Yes.
And God is talking back?
Yeah. We hung out a little.
Well, time to update the résumé.
Congressman, your name is being removed from this bill.
Obviously, the stresses of this office have proven too much for you.
Please have the congressman removed.
No. Please! You don't understand!
God commanded me to build an ark!
It's going to rain! There's going to be a flood!
Remove him now!
We have to prepare ourselves!
I need to finish the ark!
Remove him now!
Does this mean we're moving back home?
Home, Canada. One or the other.
Joan? I know you probably saw what happened, but I can explain.
Take the stuff to the car, guys. I'll be there in a minute.
Guys?
I'm gonna take them to my mother's. Evan, I think you need help.
Joan, please. I'm not doing this. It's not me. It's him.
I went to that meeting in a suit, and he took it off of me.
Those animals are following me because of him.
God? Does God know he's destroying our lives?
Does God know he's going to get you fired?
Yeah! He's trying to get me fired!
He is trying to get me fired!
That way I'll have more time to work on the ark!
Because the rain and the floods are coming.
No, I heard you, Evan. The whole world heard you.
Joan, please, you gotta believe me.
There it is! It's happening! It's happening! It's raining!
Goodbye, Evan.
Joan!
I know! I know. Whatever you do, you do because you love me!
Do me a favor. Love me less.
Congressman!
Are you concerned at all about Congressman Baxter's tirade
and the adverse effects it may have on your bill?
The day it rains and floods and Congressman Baxter takes a ride on his ark,
that'll be the day I'll be concerned. Thank you.
His name is Evan Baxter, but now he goes by "New York's Noah,"
"Heaven's Evan," "The Weirdo with a Beardo."
Okay, guys. Watch it. Watch it. Coming through. Watch your back.
Marty, will you comment on Congressman Baxter's change of appearance?
Yes, his hair is long. Yes, his beard is unshaven.
Are you equally stunned by this man's appearance?
The way things go around here,
if he gets any crazier, we may end up in the White House.
Hey! No, no, no! That's my cup!
Whatever.
He's filling the boat with two of every kind of animal.
Still to be collected, two giraffes, two elephants
and one more jackass.
What an idiot.
He's a mook.
Jerks.
Don't worry about it, you guys. Come on, eat up.
Not hungry.
Yeah, me neither.
You guys can't eat. I can't stop.
Can I go to the bathroom? Me, too?
Okay. Dylan, go with them. Please?
Fine.
Excuse me. Can I get a refill, please?
Coming right up.
Thank you.
Excuse me. Are you all right?
Yeah.
No. It's a long story.
Well, I like stories.
I'm considered a bit of a storyteller myself.
My husband... Have you heard of "New York's Noah"?
The guy who's building the ark.
That's him.
I love that story, Noah and the Ark.
You know, a lot of people miss the point of that story.
They think it's about God's wrath and anger.
They love it when God gets angry.
What is the story about, then? The ark?
Well, I think it's a love story about believing in each other.
You know, the animals showed up in pairs. They stood by each other, side by side,
just like Noah and his family. Everybody entered the ark side by side.
But my husband says God told him to do it.
What do you do with that?
Sounds like an opportunity.
Let me ask you something.
If someone prays for patience, you think God gives them patience?
Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?
If they pray for courage, does God give them courage,
or does he give them opportunities to be courageous?
If someone prayed for their family to be closer,
you think God zaps them with warm, fuzzy feelings?
Or does he give them opportunities to love each other?
Well, I got to run. A lot of people to serve. Enjoy.
Guess this comes as no surprise to those who remember his campaign promise,
"L will Lower taxes,
"go crazy and build a gigantic ark."
Oh, my gosh.
Evan!
Dad?
Honey!
Dad?
You guys, I'm up here.
Rough week? JORDAN: You look really funny.
You look really old.
Yeah, well, he is really old.
Why'd you come back?
It was the kids.
Tell him, guys.
We like you better as the crazy guy.
You spend time with us and you're home a lot more.
Just, please don't make us do the dance anymore.
I don't know what's going on, or what you're going through,
but we got into this as a family
and we're gonna get out of it as a family,
side by side.
But, Evan, we have to talk about the ark. It has to come down.
I can't do that.
You don't have a choice.
Congressman Long went to the city. There's a laundry list of code violations.
You have until September 22 to take it down,
or they'll take it down and arrest you.
September 22. That's the day of the flood.
Mom! Dad! Come here!
Don't you dare take that ark down.
How are we gonna do this?
There's no way the five of us can finish on time.
We don't have money to hire anybody else.
Is that a llama with a hammer?
An alpaca. They rarely spit at people unless frightened or abused.
Let's finish this sucker.
Come on, let's go.
No one knows where they came from
or how the congressman is getting them to do it,
but, two by two, animals of all kinds are working with Godspeed to build this ark.
Thank you.
If this flood really does happen, "Evan help us."
Hey! A little help?
Thanks.
Here it is, hon.
Perfect. Thanks.
Hold it right there.
This is Ed Carson coming to you live from New York Noah's construction site,
where we are unable to leave the news van due to hazardous conditions outside.
High five. High five.
Good job.
Hey, putty tat.
Go, go, go! He tried to eat me!
Dylan! Jordan! Check it out! Your mom's building an ark!
Let's do the dance.
No, please, no.
Well, where did the animals come from, then?
Please. It's a trick.
It's a circus is what it is.
Wild animals running amok in suburban Virginia.
With all these species, what's being done about the feces?
Evan Baxter! You have gone from newsman to congressman to caveman.
What makes you so sure God chose you?
He chose all of us.
Time to wash up, you guys.
Thanks.
You want some?
Why couldn't the man just buy a Corvette?
Well, well, well. There they are. It is good to see you guys.
It's good to see you! Your hair looks great. It's very regal. Man, I love your hair!
And you're still sucking up.
So, why are you here?
Long locked us out.
He can't do that.
I mean, I've been suspended, but I'm still a congressman.
Rita, tell him what you know.
Tell me what?
I smelled a rat the second we got that office.
You don't get an office like that for nothing.
So I had the stalker here do some research.
Okay, Eugene, talk.
Prestige Crest used to be federal lands,
but what's interesting is how it got into private hands.
Congressman Long got the approval to build a dam
and then passed out the surrounding lands to a group of private investors.
Now, the locals fought this thing for years.
They said Long and his developer buddies were cutting corners,
like skipping important building code checkpoints.
And with the land use bill, he's gonna do the same thing with the national parks.
So, you stand by and shake your pom-poms while Long and his buddies get rich.
What can we do? I'm suspended.
Go back to the Hill and show them that you can and will fight this bill.
You guys, I'm sorry. I can't do that. I have to get back to the ark.
The ark? All right. Okay.
God told you to build an ark? Yes.
But did he tell you to make your friends believe in you and follow you here
so you can make us look stupid? 'Cause I go to church every Sunday.
Okay, every other Sunday.
I've been to church! And that does not sound like God to me.
Rita, I know that this doesn't make any sense.
I just want you to trust me. You just have to have faith.
Evan, faith will not fight this bill. The CINPLAN vote is today!
If we're going to stop this thing, you need to get down to Capitol Hill now!
Otherwise, it's impossible!
Dad, Dad, I think it's done.
What in the world? I can't even get my cat to use the litter box.
It's September 22, and we're all still here.
Awkward!
People! The flood is imminent!
Board the ark! Save yourselves!
Get down, you fool!
Listen to me! The time has come!
No, Captain Ahab! Your time has come!
Yeah, Baxter! The weather's 70 and sunny with a chance of crazy!
Do you hear that? The rains are upon us!
Dad, I don't think that's the rains.
Hey, Baxter! Kiss your ark goodbye!
Where is he?
On the boat, sir.
Give me a minute. Lets see if I can convince "Noah"
that the world doesn't have to end today.
I gotta hand it to you, this is quite the show.
According to my source, the show hasn't even started yet.
Still expecting the big flood.
You know, voters don't respond to the gloom and doom stuff.
They like a more positive message.
Like the one you're sending with your bill?
How much did you make off of all this land?
You are destroying our national parks for profit.
You have a problem with somebody taking a little profit?
It's called business, son.
So if I need to get a message out there, or get a congressman elected
there are people who pay for it, and yes, those people want this bill to happen
and, by God, it's gonna happen. Now you look down there.
Those are the wolves, son.
I'm gonna give you one last chance. Take down this boat.
I'm giving you one last chance. Repent.
Such a shame. You had possibilities.
But you want to stop progress to save the Earth. Go for it.
Good luck getting a tree to come to the polls.
Take it down.
This is a court order approving the demolition of this boat!
Evacuate immediately! You have three minutes!
Honey. We have to go. They're going to destroy the boat.
No.
It can't end this way.
Is it too much to ask for a little precipitation?
Honey, maybe God didn't mean a literal flood.
Maybe he meant a flood of knowledge or emotion or awareness.
If that's true,
I am going to be so pissed.
Two minutes!
Get off the boat now or you will be removed by force.
Evan, you did it. You built the ark.
That's all you were asked to do, right?
No.
There's something else. Something's going to happen. I can feel it.
Yeah, what's gonna happen is tear gas and a wrecking ball.
Evan, think of the kids.
One minute!
Dad, whatever you say, I'm with you.
Yeah, me, too.
Me, too. But can we keep some of the animals?
I like the alpaca. He spits.
You're right. We did it. We built the boat.
Yeah.
Let's go. Let's go, guys. Come on.
Well, I guess they don't want to go.
It's their instinct.
What do you mean, hon?
Some animals know when weather's coming. When they feel it coming, they sit.
Joan!
Okay. Time's up! We're coming in!
Get that ball in position! We're clearing them out!
Is that rain? It's raining.
Lucky guess, Baxter. Lucky guess.
Looks like the drought's finally over. Good news, eh, Congressman?
Yeah. Good news.
Everybody! Please! Get on the ark!
Go to the car!
Please! Everyone! On the ark!
Cover me up! Keep me dry! Cover me up! Keep me dry!
Who's crazy now, huh? Look at us all squishing!
It kind of stopped raining.
Is that it?
What did I tell you? It's fine. It's over.
Hey, Ahab! This is it?
Your God experiencing a little water shortage?
It would appear Evan Baxter was right about the rain,
with a slight miscalculation as to the quantity.
Something's wrong.
Honey, the clouds are moving away.
No, no. No, this isn't right.
Evan, even if it kept raining, it's not like it could cause a flood in a day.
But today is the day! It has to be. This just doesn't make any sense!
Wait a second.
What is it?
Marty said that Long cut corners, violated building codes.
What are you talking about?
The lake, Long Lake.
It's named after him. It's the lake! It's the lake!
Oh, no.
Get on the ark! Everyone, on the ark now!
I think we should get on the ark.
I agree. I think we should get on the ark also.
I'm cold. I'm wet. I'm going home.
Ladies first! Move!
Oh, my God. This is happening. This is really happening.
Holy... Get everyone on the ark now!
Get on the ark now! Let's go! Get on the ark! Let's go!
Go, go, go! Get on the ark!
Go, go, go! On the ark! Go, go, go!
All right, boys! Let's go! Let's go!
We're gonna need a bigger boat. Stay here with the kids.
Come on, Rita!
Everyone, up the ramp! Onto the deck! Come on! Hurry, hurry, hurry!
Dylan, get back inside! It's too dangerous.
No, Dad. I told you, I'm with you.
Careful, everyone. In the ark! In the ark!
Watch your step! Up the ramp, everybody!
Guys, help me with the door!
Get the door! Get the door!
Guys! Guys!
Everybody hang on!
You guys all right? You okay?
There's been a flood at Prestige Crest
and you're seeing Live images of New York Noah's ark
caught in the storm surge and heading towards Memorial Bridge!
We're going to crash!
Turn this thing around!
We're not gonna make it!
Save us, Baxter!
I command thee halt! Stop! Whoa!
It's not working!
How about a little help here?
What do you mean there was water damage? It rained for ten minutes.
That is not possible.
I love you guys. All right.
Seriously. Okay, I got it.
I love you. Thank you.
All those in favor of the Public Land Act, please signify by saying, "Aye."
Good God!
I think we can walk from here.
Hello, Congressman. Mind if I park my boat here for a little while?
But how...
The dam, Congressman.
Your reservoir ruptured. Prestige Crest, it's all gone.
No. They said that couldn't happen.
I never thought this...
You. You did this to me. You set me up, you crazy son of a...
Wow. That is disgusting.
If that comes out your front,
I don't even want to know what's coming out the back.
Don't look down, Congressman, but the wolves are here,
although I wouldn't worry so much about these wolves as those.
Gesundheit.
As you can see behind me, New York Noah's prediction came true.
The vote of the Land Act Bill has been suspended,
pending investigation of Congressman Long for profiteering...
Of course now, the question is, how will these animals be returned
to their natural habitats?
Something tells me, if God got them here, he can probably get them home.
The House will undoubtedly reinstate Congressman Baxter
when it reconvenes in the morning.
Until then, there is a Lot to be done here on Capitol Hill.
How's Buster doing?
Come on, Buster.
No, come on. Come on! RYAN: Come on!
These too heavy? It's all right? JORDAN: No, it's fine.
He can't keep up.
I know, sweetie!
All right. What do you say we take a little break?
We've only been walking for, like, five minutes, Dad.
Well, five on, five off. Life is about balance, right?
How about some sandwiches? Okay.
Who wants sandwiches? Let's do it!
I get first dibs!
Everyone but Buster is going to get a sandwich.
You do not get a sandwich! You're a dog and you do not get a sandwich!
Buster is part of the family now. You're just gonna have to get used to it.
Poor Buster!
Honey, come here. Sweetheart, be careful. Come here.
Hey, hon, save me one, okay? Okay.
I'll be right back.
Hey. Hey.
What are you doing here?
Just hanging out with some old friends.
You knew all along, didn't you? You knew the dam was unstable.
If it hadn't been for the ark, my family, the neighbors...
I fought you every step of the way.
Yes, but you did it.
So, you had nothing to do with the flood? Like where the ark landed exactly?
I gave you a little shove at the end. Sue me.
You did good, son. You changed the world.
No, no, I didn't.
Well, let's see.
Spending time with your family, making them very happy.
Gave that dog a home.
Right. So?
So?
How do we change the world?
One act of random kindness at a time.
One act of random kindness.
Wow.
It's time.
Do the dance.
Care to join me?
I now issue a new commandment,
"Thou shalt do the dance."
Stop it! This is stupid!
That's awful dancing! You better stop!
Ladies and gentlemen, you don't have to go home.
You just have to go. We are wrapped.
We're wrapped. We Love you. Thank you.
How do we change the world?
One act of random kindness at a time.
One act of random kindness.
Wow.
It's time.
Do the dance.
Care to join me?
I now issue a new commandment,
"Thou shalt do the dance."
Stop it! This is stupid!
That's awful dancing! You better stop!
Ladies and gentlemen, you don't have to go home.
You just have to go. We are wrapped.
We're wrapped. We Love you. Thank you.